It’s my first day today in my new office.
Obviously, I still have nothing to do since I am writing here. Hahaha. Well, I am waiting for my boss to finish his task so he could train me. Yes, I need to undergo a training. Anyway, I like the environment here, homey feels, morning schedule, 6:30 am to 3:00 pm. I need not to brave the heavy traffick with other people. My travel time to work (and on the way home) is peaceful and smooth. And I can do things I need and I want to do after work, since it is still early. I thank the Lord for this schedule.
But, I feel a little bit of sadness. It seems like I want to cry, a good cry. I don’t know. Hahaha. That’s why I’m writing, because if I stay doing nothing, I think tears will fall down from my eyes anytime now. And I don’t want them to see me like that. I just miss everything. It is so hard to be an adult– a matured adult! #Adulting #Adultthing
I realised that it’s both joyful and painful to be attached with ‘whichever’ and ‘whoever’. Joyful because you get to learn from it, or you get to share your life with. You know, there are things I never want to lose, I am sure you, too, have. But it’s too painful that the way to not lose it is to actually lose it– to not be attached, to surrender.
We surely lose the things/people we keep to ourselves, but if we share it or surrender it to God who reigns, we don’t have to lose them. And if it is truly yours, it is yours. You need not to fear to surrender it, because in the first place, it is yours. I don’t know if I am making sense here.
There are things we thought of having now, but God says wait, let me take over. For example, you really like this brand new phone, and you’re really praying for it, you save money, you took brochures to examine it and took time to learn it. You passed by the store everyday to check this phone if it’s still alright. It is as if you already have a communication and relationship with it. Until one day, you thought you are ready to take this phone but when you went to the store, the seller says it’s taken back to the factory for improvement so that it can function well and serve you well when it is ready and done. And then you also realised that you are still not yet ready to have this phone because it is high maintenance, and so you decided to ready yourself more and improve more until that day the phone and you are ready.
That waiting process and the circumstance you lose the chance of having the phone is God saying ‘let Me take over’. You lost the phone in that very moment, you surrendered your desire of having it, but someday when it is innovated and when you are ready and the feeling of having it is still the same, then you’ll have it– when everything is ready, in the fullness of time.
That waiting process is a learning process– exploring yourself and your world more, seeking God’s heart more. That waiting process is also a testing process. Because, for sure, there would be mobile phones which will be released sooner or later, would you wait for the phone you desire or would you take another one? Yes, it’s a test for you, of your loyalty, faithfulness and desire.
The journey will be hard, but fore sure it will be Grace-filled. There will be times you will think of that ‘phone’ or miss it when you get to pass by the store it once stood. I know it’s hard! But trust God in every situation you are facing. Trust God. Trust God. Stay calm, easy.